We are going through a series
about Grace in the youth small group.
Before the end of our sharing and discussion last Friday night I asked the boys
to think of an incident in their lives where they experienced God’s grace to
them as ‘homework’ for next week’s sharing. Being a leader myself I am prepared
to share mine. While I was going through my memories to pick a good one, I
started to wonder what my life would be like if I didn’t meet God. Seriously it
is a very valid question, my life is completely changed since I become a
Christian, more preciously, a follower of Jesus. Looking back to who I was, the
way I thought and behaved, there is a high probability that I would have died, probably
suicide.
You probably think I am overly pessimistic,
maybe a bit I would admit. However it wouldn’t be far off from being a
depressed, insecure and ‘lost’ person, i.e. no purpose. For me I always think
if life has no purpose, there isn’t any meaning to live, knowing neither money
nor fame nor power nor sex would bring a deep satisfaction l long for that is crying
out from my heart. And it seems death is the only answer. It’s not hard to find
stories of those who are highly successful in people’s eyes, whatever they were
actors/actresses, businessmen, footballer that committed suicide because they
couldn’t find any purpose in life anymore. I can actually relate to what came
through their minds. Last year when I was handling a friend of mine who was briefly
occupied by suicidal thoughts, God reminded me one morning of that same dark side
of myself as a teenager during my quiet time.
I think bully is probably one of
those elements in students’ lives that hunted them the most. I am no exception.
I started to develop thoughts of self-hatred and wanted to ‘change’ my characters.
I thought at that time that if I changed myself and copied the behaviors and attitudes
of those popular ones and became like them I would become one of those ‘cool’
kids and have lots of ‘followers’, or Bieliever if you like. Well of course
that didn’t happen, but suicidal thoughts did develop in my minds. Thought like
stepping out of the pavement when I was waiting to cross a road and saw a car
coming or jumping out of the bridge while I was crossing it became more and
more frequent. I know in my mind I wanted to start my life over again. I
thought if I didn’t die but in coma and lost my memories it won’t be a bad idea
either. But I probably lost who I am during the process which I was reluctant
to do.
It all changed since I met Christ
and through my journey with Him over the years I began to understand that there
is a purpose in life, my future is certain, God is sovereign and I can trust Him with everything. I believe that was the reason God reminded that part of
my previous life, to let me remember who I was and how far I have moved on by
knowing His love and grace. It does allow me to treasure more of this
relationship as it is literally all I have, it is secure. The insecure side of
me didn’t stop at the moment I became His lover, it took a process of inner
healing. I have to come to accept of who I am that God created me to be and understand
that I am loved by. The gospel is about freedom and transformation.
Talking about knowing or knowledge, the meaning of the word know has 8 different meanings in the original Greek. Two of the
most commonly used in the NT are oida
and ginosko. Classical uses of oida are connected to the concept of
“seeing.” They include observe an
object or event, or to be acquainted with a fact. It is concerned primarily
with information. Ginosko on the
other hand usually presupposes more personal
involvement with the person, event, or principle that is “known”. It
included recognition, discernment, or opinion that results from personal
experience or observation. The word was also used of the marital relationship[1].
It carries the same meaning as the Hebrew word yada, to know someone personal and intimate. I believe the
knowledge of grace is the latter one,
gnosis, through personal and intimate
interaction with God, hence knowing through experience. One preacher once said
that the older you are and the further your journey with God, the more you
understand the beauty of grace. I
think he’s right, because grace changed me.
Hong Kong
19.01.2014
[1] The explanation
of oida and ginosko are citied from The
Pioneers’ New Testament blog: http://pioneernt.wordpress.com/2010/01/12/word-study-29-to-know/
